4 Reasons You Aren’t Ready For A Relationship

4 Reasons You Aren’t Ready For A Relationship

4 Reasons You Aren’t Ready For A Relationship

1. You think a relationship will make you feel better.

Whatever problems you have going on in life, I guarantee that getting yourself into a relationship won’t fix all of them. Sure, you might find some short-term peace, but a relationship alone isn’t going to make you feel any better. Respect someone enough to not use them as a solution for your hardships. (Matthew 11:28)

2. You think a relationship will bring you a sense of worth and identity.

Your worth is not found within a relationship, but instead God. Don’t date hoping someone will bring you a sense of worth that was intended to be fulfilled by your faith. When you place your worth upon the shoulders of someone else, you will inevitably be let down and disappointed. God won’t let you down. (Galatians 2:20)

3. You think a relationship will make you feel less lonely.

Short-term relationships will never fulfill long-term loneliness. Before you get yourself into a relationship with someone, you first need to find out where your internal loneliness is coming from. A relationship will only fulfill you for so long, until you then try to fill the void with someone new. Seek fulfillment in God alone before trying to seek the heart of someone else.  (Hebrews 12:2)

4. You date recreationally, and not intentionally.

If you’re dating for the sake of dating, you’re not ready for a real relationship. When it comes to dating, one must be mature enough to understand the harm recreational dating can have on someone’s heart and soul. If you’re looking to date, make sure your intentions are pure and focused. Don’t waste someone’s time so that you can have some fun. (Proverbs 21:8)

-Jarrid Wilson


What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below.

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  • moo April 9, 2015 at 10:01 AM

    Same scenario. One of the hardest. Your mind say’s: move on. But your heart say’s : hold on.
    Just keep praying.

  • Anon April 6, 2015 at 11:55 PM

    I am completely understand this and know I am not ready, but could you please help me with a questions I have been struggling with? Is it wrong to want to hold on to the hope of being with someone? I mean we didn’t work because I wasn’t ready but still had mutual feeling for each other. But what about when I am ready? I mean God has been working greatly in my life these days. But she truly make me feel great. And being without her feels like I am almost missing a part of myself all of a sudden. Don’t get me My life is full and God makes me happy everyday. I just need advice or maybe you could turn this into a blog piece. But I am really struggling on trying to understand what God wants me to do or learn from our relationship between her and I.

  • lei g h nettles December 17, 2014 at 7:37 PM

    Will Love to Share with Youth Group!!!! So very true and encouraging for Young America.

  • Sophia October 29, 2014 at 9:49 PM

    I love this! I took a class with a husband and wife as a professor who also wrote a few books together. One of my favorite lines that they mention is “If you try to find intimacy with another person before achieving a sense of wholeness on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself.”

    Relationships can only be as healthy as you are. Therefore one of the most important things you’ll ever do to build healthy relationships is work on your own personal wellbeing – emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Truth be told, we can’t rely on someone else to complete us.

    This article just helped me remember that class and that line really well. Great article! Thank you for this!

  • Anna Young September 24, 2014 at 11:06 PM

    Non of those reasons apply to me, been single for 5 years & one date- Our Lord is no1 & unless He is in a relationship I’m staying single :-)

  • ultimategiby September 24, 2014 at 5:21 PM

    I’m sure a long term relationship would make me feel better … not a relation with anyone… a relation with the one the Lord has chosen for me

  • Aries August 18, 2014 at 5:52 AM

    Funny that the first descriptor in his micro bio is “Husband”. Yeah, right.

  • jannet July 11, 2014 at 2:38 AM

    I used to believe in god when i was younger but then I guess I had little to no religious influence around me so I kind of just put it to the back of my mind. Until my mid-late teens when I started becoming interested in the world around us and the universe.
    I learned how incredibly tiny our world here on earth is compared to the whole universe. our big earth is in our big solar system which is in the milky way galaxy (group of approx.10 BILLION solar systems). we are a part of the milky way and it is INCREDIBLY HUGE! almost impossible to comprehend. there are estimated to be up to 200 BILLION galaxies ranging from smaller to way bigger than the milky way.

    I just find it hard to believe that some entity created everything, only put life on one planet and the only thing he left for us was a book that doesn’t really tell us much except for some morals

    • thewordsthewriterwrote July 17, 2014 at 6:31 AM

      Guess it comes down from perspective. Imagine the universe is like massive valley surrounded by epic mountains. You live in the valley in a place were a loving, caring father has provide everything you need to survive, more than that to prosper and grow. He placed you in something beautiful so you can admire it and have grasp of how great and limitless he is. He gave you the mountains to admire their majesty and to be something of awe. You might not be able to climb its peeks but you can definitely admire them like beautiful works of art. God has not left though, thats the perception of clockwork universe. He is to be discovered, seen not just in the bible and its words, rather in all creation just like you can get to understand a painter from his paintings you get to understand God from his creation.

    • Carlo September 13, 2014 at 7:32 PM

      The book is a GUIDE not just MORALS. Try reading it.

    • kim October 9, 2014 at 4:15 PM

      Ask the Lord to show Himself to you. JESUS IS REAL!!!! praying for you. :-)

    • courtney October 28, 2014 at 1:03 AM

      The Bible has a lot more than just morals. And God allowed us to discover how big the universe is so we could see just how much bigger HE is to have created it. Don’t give up on him, he hasn’t given up on you :)

    • Meg P November 28, 2014 at 7:43 PM

      Have you seen ANY evidence that disproves God?

    • Florence Ouimet-Fontaine December 2, 2014 at 4:19 PM

      Do you have evidence that disproves Zeus?

    • Ditza December 2, 2014 at 4:42 PM

      As a college student aiming for a PhD in theoretical physics, I agree that is almost impossible that an entity put life just on earth. I do however believe on a higher entity, one creative enough for all the universe to exist and even multiverse that hold life other than just us. And about the book, it actually says more than just morals.

  • Josephine Nthuli July 7, 2014 at 3:54 AM

    A friend sent me this link because he knew what i had been going through. having read this, i am not so sure anymore about dating because i am in conflict with myself. i think i have forgiven myself for that sad past but it keeps coming back i broke up with my boyfriend but trust me, i am not getting over him. he actually sent me this link. i guess love is one long journey yet to be understood by many

  • Diamondjoan July 3, 2014 at 12:44 AM

    God help us, its so easy for some and so so complicated for the rest of us.

  • hannah jeffers June 27, 2014 at 10:36 AM

    I do not disagree >>> but i will share a testimony with you :) before i got married i was in an ABUSIVE relationship and also partied a lot, i had walked away from God in my teenage years and went through a lot of hardships and heart aches , friends boyfriends family everything was a mess…. Than i lost my job as a waitress , well i went to the restaurant where i just got fired from to have a few drinks with some friends …. little did i know i caught someones eye. the next day i received a facebook message from a guy i went to high school with who wanted to spend time with me an get to know me better . little did he know my life was a wreck . we hung out a few times and got along but he knew some of the things i was going through and that i didnt want to date and i also had serious trust issues . well to sum it up , he saw my light i had forgotten all about and he helped me get back to who i was when i had God . i went back to church , got a job as a nanny , and we were married after 2 years of dating , …. sometimes when we think we arent ready to date, than GOD gives us a gift and sends someone to help us . I call my husband my angel and i am his he hadnt gone to church for over 10 years and when he saw how i had changed he started ,to go to church with me , then we found our own church we both love and he started praying again and now we are a happy,, christian,, God lovin ,married couple . believe in mirales, believe in God .

    • maria goretti September 24, 2014 at 9:37 PM

      praise God!

    • neil November 30, 2014 at 6:22 AM

      Hannah, Thank God! as he chosen you & your husband to shared your wonderful testimony which helps others whom need the light of Lord Jesus! because worldly knowledge is different. Once we experienced the taste of God! only we realize the truth!May God Bless You!!

  • gwallaby02 June 27, 2014 at 6:22 AM

    I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be “ready” for a relationship, by these terms. I’m 30 and although I know Jesus, I still struggle with self-worth and loneliness, and I think I always will on this side of heaven. But I think God can still bless me with a relationship even if I’m trying to fulfill my needs with that relationship. God will show me through that relationship that He is the only one who can fulfill my needs.

  • Brittany June 24, 2014 at 10:04 PM

    Maria, you are right. Rest in The Lord and He will bring the person to you. I’m a living breathing example of it.

  • Mash June 24, 2014 at 4:57 PM

    I have dated and been hurt a few times and all the time I have been told I’m a great guy but things still haven’t worked out. I even got engaged and still ended up being left in the cold. I realized that in life people make their choices no matter how hard you try to please them. I realized that I was so into being with someone that even God had been put second in my life. The hurt has made me realise that I need to totally depend on God and pray for him to be I full control of all aspects of my life. I still believe that in his perfect timing the desires of my heart will be fulfilled and I will find that someone that he has for me and until then I will delight in him.

  • Maye June 24, 2014 at 9:06 AM

    You are ready for a relationship if you are ready for marriage. Being in a relationship is not for the sake of ‘being in a relationship’ solely. The purpose of courtship is for marriage. Of course, I am referring to courtship according to the will of God. All aspects in your life must be ready too. Being in a relationship not only deals with emotional stability. You have to be ready emotionally, financially, mentally, and most importantly spiritually. So instead of looking for Mr./Mrs. Right, just prepare/equip yourself in being Mr./Mrs. Right.

  • FMU_MJ June 24, 2014 at 8:01 AM

    Great thought here, Jarrid! Your pieces are always great conversation starters. Will be sharing this post with the Future Marriage University (FMU) community at https://www.facebook.com/FMUniversity.

    And I’d love your thoughts on these TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date from our FMU Date Night Advice (DNA) blog: http://f-m-u.com/Blog/dont-date-like-dummy/. You’ll notice some overlap.

  • V June 24, 2014 at 6:53 AM

    A lot of the replies I’ve read so far are exactly the things I have said when I was told ” don’t rush into things.” My main thought was ‘I know, but what if he ‘is the one’ God wants for me, and my worrying about it scares him off ?” Dating is tough, I don’t want to start over, I’m sure God sees his heart and KNOWS my heart so He will bless it.”

    Please please please, slowly REREAD this article, sincerely pray and ask the holy spirtit to reveal your motives behind your longing and wanting to be in a relationship. That is how it should be read… As someone looking to be in a long term relationship. I understand ‘dating’ is first, but sincerely pray about this and the person you (may presently be dating,) or out seeking. Take a good look at where your heart is. Don’t just give it away to someone because they make you ‘feel’ sonething. First, take stock in what God sees in you. Completely allow your heart to be filled with His love instead of falling head over heals in like with someone. Yes, ‘in like.’ When you experience gods love and allow Him to fill your heart, you won’t be worried about being lonely. That is when He will see you are ready to truly share His/your love and it will be for the right reason. For companionship NOT because your lonely.
    The enemy is all in that loneliness business, and belîeve me, he can easily deceive one to believe ‘it’s love.’ The enemy doesn’t want you to prosper in TRUE love and faith because it means you will be more of a threat to him. Truly evaluate your ‘heart,’ and fill it with Gods truth by the word daily. Instead of being led by feelings of loneliness, or worry ‘if I let this person I’m dating go… I might miss out on ‘the right one.” You won’t be lonely. You will get to a place where you can truly believe you can say ” God, you fill my heart with love everytime I get in your word. It gives me answers for peace, and comfort. But most if all it teaches me true love. I don’t want to replace you and your love for anything or anyone, if it is Your will that I stay single in You, then I accept that.”

    I believe when we can TRULY pray that prayer, God sees that we have become SO lost in his love, we are ready to know real from fake as far as loving someone else.

    You will be right where God wants you to be when The One appears.

  • Raquel June 24, 2014 at 6:05 AM

    I think the most difficult is not beeing alone, but tolerate a society thet looks to you in a bad way, just because you’re single. You feel like you have a problem, but actually, you don’t have.

  • Raquel June 24, 2014 at 5:47 AM

    Its easy to give those advices when everything happened in a perfect way for you. Especially when you got married before 25, so you don’t even know what feeling lonely really means.

  • David Pablo June 24, 2014 at 4:25 AM

    Well written, I really like your approach on this important topic.
    And I have to agree with you.

    “The Beauty of waiting”

  • Simon June 23, 2014 at 10:31 PM

    Items 1 and 3 apply to me. Maybe item 2 applies to me partially, but I think not. Item 4 surely doesn’t apply to me. I’m blessed by the Lord in quite some ways, but not this way. I’ve been feeling terribly lonely for 8 years. Even though (in a human sense of speaking) I do not lie badly in the market of relationships, I’ve had no ‘luck’ so far. (I know luck isn’t the right word.) The absence of love in my life doesn’t (and will never) make me feel less lonely. Jarrid, if you were in a situation like this, would you praise the Lord? Because I try to do that, and it is hard. Your articles are often painful for me. You might know a lot about relationships, but to me it sounds like you know little about loneliness.

  • believer June 23, 2014 at 2:54 PM

    I have been dating a guy for a few months now, he is not religious but I am. I am praying for him constantly. I am not confident about this relationship and it has brought me doubts yet I continue to see him because I know that he is a good man. Recently I find out that he has been getting depressed. Family tells me I should move on because i deserve someone better, but I don’t want to leave him especially after finding out that he’s sad. And I feel like I should bring him closer to God. I don’t know what to do.

    • stilldevoted July 9, 2014 at 2:12 PM

      I think Christian guy friends may be in the best position to help him…

  • Jesiel June 23, 2014 at 2:38 PM

    I wish this article would have been written before my friend got married lol

  • Kanon June 23, 2014 at 1:28 PM

    It’s long time that I’m no longer very religious, but when I read your posts I think that i might be wrong about church. Thank you.

  • Trena June 23, 2014 at 10:37 AM

    All but one of these are also reasons that I see for others “leaving” committed relationships. They feel unsettled and they think they will be happier with someone else, or with no one at all. Their mate is NOT giving them their worth or their identity, so they want out. They also feel lonely in the relationshp, and would rather leave than invest the time. Dating should lead to marriage, and marriage is for life.

  • natwhipu June 23, 2014 at 9:46 AM

    I couldn’t agree more with Maria. This rule works like a clock in my life: the things you want the most, they come to you when you’ve forgotten about them and are completely absorbed in something else. Like, growing spiritually. Learning something. Doing something you love. Do your best in your best conscience in God, shine, and when you’re in the middle of it, the man of your dreams will show up and say: “Good evening, milady.”

  • M R S June 22, 2014 at 11:46 PM

    I want to not just date but I go out with someone to eventually be husband and wife with. I think, although I do not know God’s purpose of why, being single sucks!!! No one seems to find any kind of interest in me. My cousin says it’s because they are too intimidated to approach me. Not that I’m ugly, but I deserve someone who can stand his ground. That God has someone out there for me. All that seems fine and dandy but it doesn’t discount the fact that it still sucks being in the single world. Why doesn’t God just *poof* the right man for me now? I know he’s not a genie but the Bible says that we have not because we ask not. Well, I’ve been asking and asking and asking and still no husband. Let’s face it. I ain’t getting any younger. And I don’t want to get married at such an old age I am no longer able to bear any children. So what’s the answer for that?

  • Chris Ong June 22, 2014 at 10:51 PM

    I have some questions of my own regarding point four – would I be correct to say that dating should be restricted for dating with a goal of marriage?

  • Nitoy Gonzales (@nitoygonzales) June 22, 2014 at 9:15 PM

    some food for thought…thank u jarrid…

  • sassymikee June 22, 2014 at 7:34 PM

    Thanks Mr. Wilson for these! All the best :)

  • Will June 22, 2014 at 5:34 PM

    How do you feel better? How do you feel good about yourself? How do you stop loneliness? I have gone to counseling for years. I see God working in my life and I seek to follow him daily, all throughout my day, and I have so for decades. I struggle with deep depression, self doubt and loneliness on a regular basis.

    My counselors, who were well respected Christian counselors, never told me not to date or pursue a woman, and even helped me figure out good ways to do so. I think a lot of us may be somewhat confused about all the motives behind why we do what we do. Isn’t it possible that we might be seeking someone for a variety of reasons, some good and some bad, and we just don’t know how to separate the two sets of motives for seeking them?

    • sassymikee June 22, 2014 at 7:33 PM

      You know when it’s the right time. The heart at some point never goes wrong. Sometimes it’s the time, the situation that makes things not possible. :) Besides, these points doesn’t work all at once I reckon. Just continue to surround yourself with the good and the positive people and be the person who’d attract the positives, too.

    • Joy June 23, 2014 at 7:34 PM

      I agree.

  • Bob Johnson (my real name is also my alias) June 22, 2014 at 5:33 PM

    These are some good points. But they are all negative descriptions what a relationship is not. Could we get a mirror-image about the attitudes that lead to successful relationships? I met an amazing lady several months ago, and we are now engaged. The way we met shows that God brought us together, but we have problems to deal with. These problems include friction between two previously independent people as well as external difficulties of life. At this point I can see that God uses us together in better ways than I would function on my own, and I am getting a lot of rough edges polished off.

  • Jessica Hernandez June 22, 2014 at 4:24 PM

    This is exactly what is happening to me. But I also feel that if I stop dating this person , I will lose something that might be worth givinga chance to, but then I’m not sure! :/

    • maria June 22, 2014 at 5:23 PM

      I feel you… I’m in the same situation and I don’t know what to do. I tell myself, this is good, being close friends before dating will make it last. But I’m scared that I might lose a good friend of mine in case anything happens if we do date…

    • Lo June 22, 2014 at 5:59 PM

      Having been there myself and being married now, prayer is the best advice I can give you. Pray God shows you both what His will is for you two. Pray that God will guard both your hearts if it doesn’t work out. And when He answers be obedient.

    • Chris Ong June 22, 2014 at 10:53 PM

      My personal question to you is…what is making you feel like you want to stop dating this person in the first place?

    • Cassie June 23, 2014 at 8:02 AM

      I agree! we’re on the same boat sis!

    • Kenshin Himura June 24, 2014 at 1:49 AM

      You enter into a relationship not to gamble or “take chances”. :)

    • Arni Casey June 24, 2014 at 6:20 PM

      I feel you, dear. I’m also hesitant on whether or not I should stop seeing/being together with him, because what if this is a temporary feeling that only he can manage to heal? Like, what if that guy is God’s instrument to make us feel happy and loved in this world, right? I feel you :(

  • Stephanie June 22, 2014 at 3:25 PM

    What if some of us aren’t even having any luck in this “dating” world you speak of? Some of us do not seem to get any responses to our “dating” or romance asking’s. What are we suppose to do now?

    • maria June 22, 2014 at 5:20 PM

      I don’t think it’s something that you go out and look for. It just comes when it’s right and you yourself will know when it’s right. Don’t be too focused on finding someone else. Focus on yourself first, your needs and try to get closer with God. Do the things you love and have fun. You never know, maybe on the way the right guy will be there. God Bless

    • Chris Ong June 22, 2014 at 10:53 PM

      I personally think that that happens to all. But you’ve got to focus not on finding a partner (yes, this will always be at the back of your mind so long as you’re still single), but mainly focusing on what you really want to achieve in this life at this present moment and pursuing it. And when you determine what that is, you will find someone right.

    • Megan June 23, 2014 at 1:09 PM

      Exactly, I have no luck there.

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