I’m Dating Someone Even Though I’m Married

Jarrid Wilson  —  January 6, 2014 — 228 Comments

I have a confession to make. I’m dating someone even though I’m married. 

She’s an incredible girl. She’s beautiful, smart, cunning, strong, and has an immensely strong faith in God. I love to take her out to dinner, movies, local shows, and always tell her how beautiful she is. I can’t remember the last time I was mad at her for longer than five minutes, and her smile always seems to brighten up my day no matter the circumstances.

Sometimes she will visit me at work unannounced, make me an incredible lunch, or even surprise me with something she personally baked. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be dating someone even though I am married. I encourage you to try it and see what it can do for your life.

Oh! Did I mention the woman I am dating is my wife? What did you expect?

Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean your dating life should end. Click To Tweet

I need to continue to date my wife even after I marry her. Pursuing my wife shouldn’t stop just because we both said, “I do.” Way too many times do I see relationships stop growing because people stop taking the initiative to pursue one another.

Dating is a time where you get to learn about someone in a special and unique way. Why would you want that to ever stop? It shouldn’t. Those butterflies you got on the first date shouldn’t stop just because the years have passed. Wake up each day and pursue your spouse as if you are still on your first few dates. You will see a drastic change for the better in your relationship.

When it comes to any relationship, communication and the action of constant pursuit is key. Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to pursue them whole-heartedly.

I encourage you to date your spouse, pursue them whole-heartedly, and understand that dating shouldn’t end just because you said, “I do.”

- Jarrid Wilson

***

What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below.

Jarrid Wilson

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Husband, Pastor, Author, Blogger. Highly unconventional.

228 responses to I’m Dating Someone Even Though I’m Married

  1. What I find interesting is how this has been turned into a negative or men have to do everything. The Author clearly states his wife pursues him as well. When a married couple has problems and seeks counseling most of the time the counselor among other things encourages them to date again. God constantly pursues us and what’s us to pursue him and marriage is the closets depiction of that relationship on earth….. So shouldn’t we pursue each other?
    Btw if you are on here complaining about your spouse, stop wasting time on here being negative and get to work….
    -love
    Happily married and pursued!!!

  2. Late to the game here, but I’d have to agree with at least some of the comments here (haven’t read them all, nor will I). I get it. We guys get slack, we get comfortable and lazy and don’t treat our spouses as we should. And yes, we should continue to “pursue”…but continuing to truly “date” as we once did is not realistic, and not even the ideal. I’ve counseled way too many couples that were splitting up because “I just don’t get the feeling that I did when we were dating”. It is also a failure to acknowledge that life often gets in the way, and reality is that we cannot be just as we were in dating life.

    Further, I’m not sure that this should be the goal. There is an openness and sincerity that I believe the Spirit wants us to seek in marriage that just cannot be equaled in dating. In addition, just because married life is different does not mean it’s inferior. Part of our Christian maturity is recognizing that not everything is “butterflies” in life.

  3. Jarrid, I am very curious, but how long have you been married?? This is truly beautiful, but could any of it be that those newlywed butterflies haven’t quite worn off yet? If you’ve been married 30 years I can certainly learn from this, but if only a few years then I have a hard time relating this to my own life. Regardless, I do love your attitude and perspective on how married life should be :)

    • Do the years really matter that much? What is an appropriate time?

    • If it helps, I’ve been married nearly 10 years and my husband still dates me. Even though Mr. Wilson is a newlywed, I find this post beautiful. I’ve known people who stop dating directly after they get married and that is why many times we hear things like, “The first year is always the hardest.” I am thankful to hear that the Wilson couple have been doing so well since being married. They are excited about being married and set an example to people who aren’t married and hope to be and who have been married a long time. This post explains exactly why it is wonderful to be married! I can say from experience, i am far more in love with my husband than I was when we were a new couple 13.5 years ago. You go Jarrid! I’m cheering you two on! :) I still have newlywed butterflies myself! Were they supposed to go away?

  4. you are very very wonderful. God bless your ministry.Amen

  5. I think the heart behind your article is great and I really think that time with your spouse is important but what really concerns me is the amount of single woman reading this post and sharing it on facebook. I feel that this post perpetuates the thought that single Christian woman need to pray and wait for Mr. Right instead of Mr. Normal. Let me explain. Mr. Right is super Godly, good looking, a spiritual leader always, the perfect father, makes enough money to support his wife and family in a beautiful home, is a musician, very romantic, has done missions, has a Myers Briggs personality compatible with yours and has memorized the 5 love languages. He meets every requirement of that list you wrote in youth group and is a reward for being super content in your singleness. Mr. Normal is a Christian but has up days and his down days with God just like you. He is average looking, he may need you to pray for him during tough seasons, may make mistakes in parenting, has romantic times and times when the football game is more exiting than complementing you, he may or may not have done missions and may be more comfortable stacking chairs than evangelizing. His personality may complement you at times and drive you crazy other times and has stressful days and happy days. He is able to communicate with you through the ups and downs of stressful circumstances as well as grocery shopping and changing diapers and has your back when the going gets tough. He may not always be the most the most romantic but he loves you even though you are not a size 2, get stressed, burn food, forget things, may skip a quiet time and generally are an imperfect person. He is not your reward for being a perfect Christian but he is your friend. Be careful of what expectations you set for young Christians!

  6. man gives woman takes January 16, 2014 at 3:06 AM

    Dating your wife is a good thing. I think more men should do that and maybe there would be less marital problems. The reverse of that should be true also, wives should pursue their husband. The one thing that bothers me about my wife and other women I know and that is the thinking that the guy should do all the work and they get to sit back and enjoy the benefits. I’ve made hints to my wife and she just doesn’t get it, I’ve shown her, multiple times, how to do the things we need to do and she doesn’t get it. Sorry but my wife thinks that I should be the one to initiate it all and she gets all the reward, and when I stop doing those things and wait for her to do them, well then I’m the mean, bad, jerk of a husband. Really I can’t give much more.

    • Yep. That’s the result of decades of feminist propaganda infesting our society including the Church. The idea that a husband should constantly pursue his wife is unrealistic and it demeans the true meaning of a marriage. The Bible speaks to marriage in a very different way. The Bible doesn’t speak about pursuit or dating. The Bible speaks to the wife as a helpmate. The Bible instructs husbands to love and honor their wives. What is the purpose of pursuit? If a man is constantly pursuing a woman, has that woman committed to him? Pursuit undermines commitment. The author needs to use a different term than dating, in my opinion.

    • I had the same problems with my wife of 16 yrs, I do all the work planning and I take the initiative but she makes it sounds like that im suppose to do it and part of my responsibility of being a husband, if I sit back and don’t do anything nothing happens,, we go to work,home and kids,, same routine everyday. its funny how most articles relating to marriges and relationship its always the men…

    • Despite what people think, or say they know, women run the world. Without women the human race can’t survive lol. Because of that, women take advantage of men because they throw around, “if you don’t do this no sex for you” or get mad and say, “you don’t ever help”.
      Women are to stand by their man, their companion and to be a helper. Am I saying that women should “be in the kitchen”? No. Women just need to remember they’re helpers, not slaves. HUGE difference but is completely taken out of context.
      On the other side, men need to realize women are helpers not slaves and pitch in when they can. If the trash needs to be taken out or load/empty dishwasher or whatever else, do it. The things that men may see as “petty” things are the fine details which seem like huge tasks to some women. Just doing the “small things” around the house help more than men know it.
      In conclusion, man and woman need to stand side by side. They are the others half. Before they get married both of them need to realize this. There shouldn’t be a need for continuous dating to keep a relationship going. It’s the small things that count, it doesn’t have to be this grand charade like you did when you were dating to “keep” her. Buy some flowers once or twice a month. If your wife cooks then on a day you have off, cook. Yes it’s nice to go out by yourselves here and there but don’t make it a routine to seem like you’re dating, you guys made a commitment not a half ass attempt or that’s all it’s going to be, an attempt, until God smacks you across the face and wakes you up!

      These are observations seeing my parents go thru this.

  7. The title is an excellent narrative hook. The title sounds “disgusting”, but the story is refreshing.

  8. A woman can have everything she wants as long as she chooses the right mate. It’s like pairing the correct purse and shoes with the right outfit.

    Just like you wouldn’t match stripes with further stripes, one shouldn’t expect a “bad boy” or ” jerk” to change and be into dating based one the feminine ideal.

    Choose wisely.

  9. Ok, let me ask you, how many kids do you have?

  10. I love this!!! People can say what they want. There are always going to be people with something negative to say, but they are usually the ones who settle, become bored and frustrated with a relationship/marriage and then split. Those who want their relationship/marriage to last and stay fresh understand the message you have shared. Thank you!!!

    • Marriage is a commitment. Marriage is not conditional on whether your spouse makes you happy all the time. Of course, in today’s society and with the help of the Church, most Christians think the opposite. They think marriage is a commitment, if I like it, or if my spouse meets my expectations, etc. To keep your marriage fresh, all a man must do is love his wife, and a wife must respect her man.

  11. Disagree – the action of constant pursuit is NOT key. the action of constant pursuit IS a sign of insecurity and neediness.

    “Constantly pursuing” by definition indicates never achieving a comfortable secure assurance of anothers love and dedication. i.e., things are only good, as long as “i’m happy” or someone else comes along that pursues me harder than you do at any moment.

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