Do This Before You Try And Find A Spouse

A list of “non-negotiables” is pretty common for any individual looking for a future spouse. Are they wrong? No. But are they your answer to finding the one? Nope. Not even close.

Here is something everyone should do before trying to find “the one.”

1) He/She must want kids.

2) He/She must go to church.

3) He/She must want to work in full-time ministry.

4) He/She must love the movie, “The Notebook.”

5) He/She must love taking long walks on the beach.

6) He/She must be a vegetarian. 

Sound Familiar?

Having an idea of what you are looking for in a significant other is great! It means you actually took time be honest with what you are really looking for in a relationship. But if I am really honest with you, I think there is something more important than a list of non-negotiables.

Can you guess what it is? It’s who YOU are called to be first.

Focus on becoming the right person before looking for the right person. Everybody wants to find their future husband or wife, but what everyone needs to understand is the importance of first being set in your personal identity. If not, your relationship might turn into a relationshipwreck.

God is more focused on who you’re becoming than He is who you need to marry. Turn the focus on your own heart before trying to gain the love of someone else’s.

If you are yearning to get married, he or she will come when the time is right. Don’t let your impatience ruin your inner-transformation. Putting God first is always the way to go. He will never stray you wrong.

Psalm 105:4 – Seek the Lord, and his strength: seek his face evermore.

– Jarrid Wilson


What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below.

Published by Jarrid Wilson

Husband, Father, Pastor at Harvest Christian Fellowship & Author of a few books.

17 comments on “Do This Before You Try And Find A Spouse”

  1. love it. needed to and need to be reminded of this often lately.
    ive been talking to a guy for several months now and last few it has become more of talk on moving forward with our relationship. as much as i want one, relationships rather scare me for many reasons. so if I could ask for your prayers that this relationship step forward if only it be Gods will for us to be together, if not to somehow break us apart. I want us to grow closer to God. I dont want to grow apart from God.
    some days seem harder than others but I know it is very doable. thankyou so much. many blessings.

    1. I think every unmarried person looking for a husband/wife needs this prayer. Thank you for voicing it J.M. Blessings

  2. I teach my three g’sons to live their lives right and trust God to send them the right mate.I did not always have that wisdom,and paid the price of rushing ahead of what God had in mind for me.

  3. Love it, Jarrid! “Relationshipwreck” – Not sure if that’s a word, but it’s a great description of what happens when two people who don’t know themselves try to find each other.

    Will be sharing this post with the Future Marriage University (FMU) community at!

    And I’d love your thoughts on this post about “finding love” from our FMU Date Night Advice (DNA) blog:

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