Being Single Isn’t A Disease |

Being Single Isn’t A Disease

Being Single Isn’t A Disease

Being Single Isn’t A Disease

No matter who you are, where you live or what age you are, the idea of finding your future spouse is a topic that never seems to leave the conversation. The focus on marriage is something that’s shoved down the throats of individuals from the time they are in their teens. And while it may seem innocent and fun, the pressures put on people in today’s culture to get married are overwhelming and harsh.

People act as if life cannot be fulfilling while you are single. And while I am a happily married man, I would encourage you not to get married just because you have people pressuring you to do so.

Don’t get me wrong. Marriage is incredible! But I’d encourage you to wait until you’re ready rather than jumping into something you don’t have a peace about. There is so much you can experience during your time of singleness. Embrace it.

It’s an opportunity to grow, learn, and experience life in a way that you can’t once you are married. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. And don’t let your married friends allow you to feel inferior just because you don’t have a man or woman by your side.

  1. Don’t let people pressure you into getting married.
  2. Don’t let anyone trick you into thinking being single is a flaw.
  3. Don’t let anyone make you think being single is inferior.

If you are single, you’re just where God want’s you to be. And until He prompts you otherwise, don’t stress out about your current relationship status. Don’t let your singleness hold you back from accomplishing great things. And don’t let the consuming topic of marriage ruin what God has in store for you right now. Remember, even Jesus, Mother Teresa, and the Apostle Paul were single.

—Jarrid Wilson

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What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below.

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91 Comments

  • James Smith January 22, 2014 at 1:20 PM

    I know that when we are single, we have to prepare ourselves and grow closer to Him. But on the other hand, when she finds someone better, she will moves on, as he is better to her, when she knows nothing about him. She just can’t handle problem very well and keep running from it, hoping for a relationship that doesn’t have a problem.

  • Kelly January 22, 2014 at 1:17 PM

    I am single and I have single friends, who needed to hear that… Thank you!
    God bless you and your wife!

  • sandy January 22, 2014 at 12:31 PM

    Also, appreciate this post! As a Mom of one married son and two other adult single children, I know there are no pat answers! It’s a hard issue. God will not call everyone into a marriage relationship. I don’t ever want to say to a single person, “God has someone for you,” because honestly, I don’t know that. I DO know however that God has a specific plan and purpose for all of his sons and daughters but I think we have to be careful not to misconstrue the message of happily ever after. Happily ever after has many faces as you’ve mentioned. Keep on blogging!

    • Paige January 22, 2014 at 5:39 PM

      Sandy, I love this! While I appreciate Jarrid’s efforts to fight the “stigma” surrounding singleness, I feel like the post still implies that being single is a sort of transition state or waiting period until marriage (“Your time will come,” etc.). I’ve recently started re-discovering my faith after several years of general apathy toward religion, and I can honestly say that I’ve never felt as peaceful about being single as I do now. Knowing that I can ALWAYS rely on God’s love (rather than waiting for that of someone else) has truly transformed my outlook on life and eliminated much of the fear associated with being “alone.” Perhaps I’ll meet “the one” tomorrow, perhaps I’ll meet him in a year, or perhaps I’ll never meet him at all; regardless, I know that God has great plans for me and I’ll find my own “happily ever after.” Cheers!

      • Jarrid Wilson Author January 22, 2014 at 5:51 PM

        Notice the bottom includes people who remained single all their lives and were still fulfilling God’s plan.

  • Chilli January 22, 2014 at 12:29 PM

    This is so true. I know some people who rushed into marriage and had a divorve in their early 20’s. This makes me so sad. I wanna get married myself and i am waiting for the right one but in some points i still need to ask god “am i ready for marriage?” But other times i feel like ” geez i’m so sick of waiting..” is this normal? i mean are there other people who just feel like…having so many different oppinions at once? But thank you for that post anyway it’s nice to hear such words and not like ” you gotta get married you’re net getting any younger you know.” Man I’m 22. Greetings from Germany i hope my english isn’t too bad.

    • Mae Niagara January 22, 2014 at 7:26 PM

      I agree, Chilli. At some point of our lives, we thought we just waited long enough and decided to enter into something we can’t easily just spit out after we got burn. We just have to take our time of being Single

  • J-Bird January 22, 2014 at 12:19 PM

    Katie,

    I just wanted to say… you took the words right out of my mouth. I have been thinking the same thing ever since I read this post earlier today. I know it is of little consolation, but you are not alone in your situation and your feelings about it. I am right there with you, along with thousands of other single people for whom this topic is so much more complex than is depicted in this blog. I will continue to pray for all of us, and you can come hang out at my house for a girls night anytime. :)

    Jarrid,

    I want to start by saying that I have a ton of respect for you. It can’t be easy to work directly “for the big guy” and to find topics to write about on a daily/weekly basis that are both interesting and effect those who may be reading this blog. I know you are putting yourself out there and I am not trying to be uber-critical of you. I am sure you meant well, and you do make some good “surface” points. The only problem is that this isn’t a surface issue, as Katie so eloquently stated in her reply.

    Many of us are no longer young kids in our twenties who want to spend our time building careers and taking mission trips around the world on our parents dime. For me, a 38 year old, single, childless woman (yikes, it hurts to even type it!!) who has never been married, the idea of a married man with a family telling me not to worry about my status is not just hurtful, it’s somewhat offensive. Sorry, but it’s the truth. Christians are always talking about the “dream that God has placed in their hearts” and how we should go out there and chase that dream and not give up on it. Well, I am a Christian, and I have one dream in my heart, and that’s to be a mom and wife. As a woman, I feel like being a mom is part of why I was put on this earth. Don’t get me wrong, I have been blessed with great friends and family and have had some success in my career, and I love God, but I struggle with understanding His will. I have been made to feel as if I am not good enough for the lofty position of wife/mother by this world, and unfortunately, when I am at my lowest, I wonder if God doesn’t agree with this assessment of me. It’s heartbreaking to be a woman and to know that your chance of ever having a loving relationship and a child are dwindling fast.

    And don’t even get me started on how I blamed myself for not being good enough for the longest time. How I starved myself and beat myself up in every possible way, telling myself that if I was just a little taller, or just a little prettier, or just a little thinner/smarter/sexier/quiet-er/BETTER… you get the idea. But I finally realized that I am me, and I am good enough, and as horrible as this is to say, even if God doesn’t think I am good enough, I do. Everyone can tell me how bad of a Christian I am for saying it (it’s okay, I can take it). But it’s true, and I believe and hope God values truth from His children.

    I am by no means representative of every single,childless woman my age, and I am not writing this to stop your opinion from being heard, or anyone else’s for that matter. I am not a victim, and I know that I have made mistakes in my life that have contributed to my situation. I didn’t grow up in an evangelical background, so my life hasn’t all been “church camp” and Sunday school. I am only writing this to make my own voice heard, and to speak for those who may share some of this pain but are too afraid to speak out about it. In many Christian circles, being honest about the pain that we feel is seen as “complaining” or “wanting what others have”. I am thankful for all God has given me, and I want EVERYONE who wants a family to be able to experience that. I just want it for myself as well.

    Respectfully,
    J

    • mezeuko January 22, 2014 at 3:13 PM

      J Bird
      It physically pained my heart to read you say that you believe God doesn’t think you are good enough.If it pained me this much i can only imagine how much it hurt God.

      I’m not going to give you the typical ‘everything happens for reason’ stuff. But you must know that God has a plan and our lives work according to his plan not ours. Just because you cannot see the full picture doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. No one will love you as much as he does.

      The bible says ‘Hope till the end for Gods unending favour’ the bible says ‘all things work for our good’ so because you don’t see it doesn’t mean God isn’t working!

      Marriage is a scary thing and its not always good some women lose themselves in marriage they get abused and eventually just lose themselves. I know my mum got married too early and she lost herself she’s only just finding herself again.

      What I’m trying to say is that God may not be done preparing you for marriage or maybe your partner isn’t ready yet for marriage maybe God is still developing him to be the perfect man for you! DON’T RUSH GOD! YOU CANT SEE THE FULL PICTURE AND HE ALWAYS LOVES YOU!!! Please update me when you are finally married with kids because our father always comes through for us

    • Katie January 24, 2014 at 9:16 AM

      J,

      I’m glad you get what I was trying to say, and I have been right there with you, wondering what’s wrong with me, and whether my marital status is a statement from God about my personal suitability for such. I think you’re right in identifying that maybe it’s an age thing. In one sense, I absolutely agree with Jarrid’s point – there is a whole culture of “you’re not an adult until you’re married”, and it takes a very strong and secure person to intentionally counteract that witness inside your own head, but also publicly (which I’ve been trying to do more lately).

      But the point remains that being single – especially as an older person (I’m 32) – is far more than just “learn to be content in this phase of your life.” Believe me – I understand that marriage is not just one long lifetime of happiness and flowers and rainbows and unicorns. I’m a pastor – I see the imperfections and more of marriage come through my office on a near-daily basis. It isn’t that I’m waiting on Prince Charming, so much as I’d like someone to have Christmas Dinner with, or to warm the bed up before I climb in, or to bake me a cake on my birthday, or to just keep the house from being so darn quiet.

      I also don’t think that calls to “fall more in love with Jesus and then you won’t need a husband” are all that helpful. I think Jesus is fantastic. He is my Rock, my Redeemer, and my Savior, but he is not my boyfriend or my husband. What are we to say of Adam, who was literally walking in the Garden of Eden with God, and still longed for the companionship of Eve?

      Some people are perfectly content being single, and to those people, congratulations! I really am happy that they are content – same for those who are married. But the Lord says to be joyful *in* all circumstances, not *about* all circumstances. Saying, “I’m not content with this situation and I wish it were different” is not unfaithful. As someone who has been through the high school/college/graduate school “maybe you’ll meet someone there” stage of life, and is looking at the far side of “marriageable age” and “childbearing years” the theology of “why am I still single” is very different than it is for someone in high school. And for someone who is already married to announce that it’s simply a matter of learning how to not feel bad about yourself and love Jesus more is a pretty shallow answer to people who are experiencing some pretty deep pain.

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