3 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Dating A Non-Christian

1. What are my motives?

Missionary dating is something many of us have heard of, but how many of us have actually taken part in it? You’d be surprised to know how many Christians date someone with opposing religious views, all in hopes of converting them in the near future.

I understand that God can use all things to work together for the good of those who are in Christ, but I cannot help but wonder if God would encourage a relationship that is unequally yoked. I don’t see him doing so. I’m not ignorant enough to think that God hasn’t used an unequally yoked couple for His good, but I will still fall on the side of discouraging relationships where both parties aren’t on the same spiritual page. Seek Him first. (Proverbs 16)

2. Will this hinder my relationship with God?

Your relationship with God should always be put above your relationship with anyone else, and that includes your future spouse. My wife and I both encourage one another to make God our first priority, and in doing so, our relationship with each other will¬†flourish. Anyone who doesn’t encourage you to seek a deeper relationship with God, isn’t someone worth giving your time to. This might sound harsh, but I promise you it’s a standard worth implementing.¬†(Proverbs 3:6)

“Without spiritual unity, there can be no ultimate sexual unity. By “ultimate,” I mean the type of sexual unity God designed a husband and wife to enjoy with one another.” -Andy Murray

3. What does The Bible say?

The Bible is pretty clear when it comes to this topic. And while many people might disagree, let me share a few verses to help shed some light. This isn’t to say that unbelievers can’t be good people, but I am saying I’d discourage you from dating someone who isn’t on the same spiritual foundation as you. It’s going to mess you up, confuse your heart, and potentially smother your soul.

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? -Corinthians 6:14

The most important relationship to a Christian should be their relationship with Jesus Christ. Any Bible-believing Christian will tell you that. Every other relationship is secondary, and not to be put before our Lord, God. If a Christian decides to marry an unbeliever, one has to ask whether or not he or she is choosing to ignore what God says about being unequally yoked.

-Jarrid Wilson


What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below!

Photo Credit: Taylor LaShae

Published by Jarrid Wilson

Husband, Father, Pastor at Harvest Christian Fellowship & Author of a few books.

65 comments on “3 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Dating A Non-Christian”

  1. Wow, I am a silent reader, and I enjoy reading your blogs from fb upto here….I was in a missionary dating with someone from church. We didn’t really get to know each other we just started seeing each other/dating. It was during this process that I realized that the person I thought was so Christ centered lives an opposite lifestyle outside church.

    But I have this feeling that he will change….

    1. A feeling he will change? good! so now drop him like he is hot and tell him if he needs to get his act together with Jesus as you have seen he is not living it right. Then maybe he will change when you push him into the light. Staying with people like this is not helping them nor YOU. But hitting him with reality and showing him you are worth much more just might do help him change. Stop enabling him. peace to you. I hope you find a real Christian man.

  2. As a Christian who did date someone who was not a Christian I have to say I completely agree with everything you are saying. It’s not a good idea, it will affect your heart and it will affect your relationship with Jesus. It’s so easy sometimes for us to justify doing something like this because it always comes packaged almost irresistibly, but I will double down on Jarrid’s warning. Watch yourself. If you love Jesus and you get into a relationship with a non-believer you will hurt.

  3. I started dating a non-believer about 3 months ago. I broke up with him twice in only 3 months because I’m a Christian and he’s not. I just couldn’t feel at peace about it. He has always wanted to have faith in something and even was “kind-of a Christian” in high school but had started dating a Jewish girl who wanted him to convert to Judaism. They broke up but it left him confused and bitter at anything “religious”. When we first began talking I told him that I didn’t want to date someone who wasn’t a Christian, thinking maybe we could just talk and flirt. I didn’t want to stop talking to him because I like him so much. We kept talking and he visited me where I’m going to grad school. We kissed and that was it. I fell hard…really hard. I tried to tell my family (who are strong, conservative Christians) and they were adamantly against it. I still kept dating him but kept it from my family. He started feeling hurt that my family didn’t want us dating. Finally, on the way to seeing him at work (secretly) I got in a wreck and the truth came out that we were still dating. I broke up with him soon after, mostly out of the stress put on me from my family. We had such a whirlwind, beautiful romance and I truly care about him but now he is bitter toward my family and I. It’s hard to regret the relationship completely because I did get to talk to him about God but I regret that I hurt him and in his mind it’s because of God. I’m a total wreck emotionally now; very depressed. I’m always on the brink of asking him to take me back but know I still have this strong feeling that it isn’t right and after seeing this article I feel like it is confirmation for me. It is hard not to question where I am and where I was spiritually after something like this.

    1. This is exactly the point at which I am at. It’s as though you’ve written my own story. Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear that someone else had gone through the same thing. Encouragement in the right (albeit VERY DIFFICULT) direction.

    2. Honey it sounds like your very codependent you need to seek biblical counseling, your basically mocking god by not following his commands DO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED WITH UNBELIEVERS

  4. So well put and it definitely rings true for me. I had married someone who was a non-believer, with the hopes of changing his heart. Instead, God was placed on the back burner, my spirituality became smothered and dim, and ultimately it lead to much disappointment and heartache. I can’t stress enough how important it is to be on the same spiritual page as your partner.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.