3 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Dating A Non-Christian

1. What are my motives?

Missionary dating is something many of us have heard of, but how many of us have actually taken part in it? You’d be surprised to know how many Christians date someone with opposing religious views, all in hopes of converting them in the near future.

I understand that God can use all things to work together for the good of those who are in Christ, but I cannot help but wonder if God would encourage a relationship that is unequally yoked. I don’t see him doing so. I’m not ignorant enough to think that God hasn’t used an unequally yoked couple for His good, but I will still fall on the side of discouraging relationships where both parties aren’t on the same spiritual page. Seek Him first. (Proverbs 16)

2. Will this hinder my relationship with God?

Your relationship with God should always be put above your relationship with anyone else, and that includes your future spouse. My wife and I both encourage one another to make God our first priority, and in doing so, our relationship with each other will flourish. Anyone who doesn’t encourage you to seek a deeper relationship with God, isn’t someone worth giving your time to. This might sound harsh, but I promise you it’s a standard worth implementing. (Proverbs 3:6)

“Without spiritual unity, there can be no ultimate sexual unity. By “ultimate,” I mean the type of sexual unity God designed a husband and wife to enjoy with one another.” -Andy Murray

3. What does The Bible say?

The Bible is pretty clear when it comes to this topic. And while many people might disagree, let me share a few verses to help shed some light. This isn’t to say that unbelievers can’t be good people, but I am saying I’d discourage you from dating someone who isn’t on the same spiritual foundation as you. It’s going to mess you up, confuse your heart, and potentially smother your soul.

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? -Corinthians 6:14

The most important relationship to a Christian should be their relationship with Jesus Christ. Any Bible-believing Christian will tell you that. Every other relationship is secondary, and not to be put before our Lord, God. If a Christian decides to marry an unbeliever, one has to ask whether or not he or she is choosing to ignore what God says about being unequally yoked.

-Jarrid Wilson


What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below!

Photo Credit: Taylor LaShae

Published by Jarrid Wilson

Husband, Father, Pastor at Harvest Christian Fellowship & Author of a few books.

66 comments on “3 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Dating A Non-Christian”

  1. Thank you, Jarrid! I’ve been involving in such as this situation. Me and him are now at the beginning of our relationship, but heart says that I shouldn’t continue this. I must cut the tie before it will be much harder in the future, right?
    Please pray me so that I can hear and do what’s the right, what’s Holy Spirit’s says. Although this won’t be easy, please pray me so that He gives me strength. Amen..

  2. I think a lot of people are hazy on this and your writing about it is a great way of clearing that up. It’s a great reminder for when people fall into doubt.

    “This isn’t to say that unbelievers can’t be good people, but I am saying that I’d discourage you from dating someone who isn’t on the same spiritual foundation as you. It’s going to mess you up, confuse your heart, and potentially smother your soul.” –> I think this happens pretty often because people refuse to believe when they are told this, or they’re already at that point where they’ve convinced themselves that it’s the right way to go.

  3. Well said. It may sound harsh to some… there is a reason for being matched with a believer – unity and a life that is Christ based. It makes sense to you, if you put God first.

  4. While I agree with all these points and would love to find a good Christian man to share my life with, the unfortunate reality is that (in my community at least) single Christian ladies far outnumber single Christian males, which leaves me and many of my friends wondering if God’s plan for our lives is to be single, marry a non-Christian, or become a nun. (Just kidding on that last one.) Regardless of what I want for my life, I have to remind myself that what God wants for my life will be infinitely better.

    1. How did Rebecca and Rachel and Leah find her husband. The husband came from far away country.Do not be limited in your vision. If you believe the miracle God who sacrificed Jesus for your sins raised him from the dead. Then you will know that nothing is impossible for God to do for you.

  5. Sad that this needs to be said, but it does, and you did. Thanks, Jarrid! Love your point about every one of our relationships needing to come after our relationship with Christ, obviously that’s not happening if I’m dating someone who doesn’t love him. You make great sense!

    Sharing this post with the Future Marriage University (FMU) community at https://www.facebook.com/FMUniversity.

    And I’d love your thoughts on this issue from our FMU Date Night Advice (DNA) blog: http://f-m-u.com/Blog/an-urgent-message-for-the-spiritually-mature/.

    1. This is why there’s a fine line between barriers and distinction. We may be culturally distinct but your religion tells you not to date me. Why not? I believe that I’m a good person and that I can hold an interesting conversation with you throughout our date! Or you can date my friend instead. I assure you he’s funny and he can make you laugh within the first five minutes of meeting him. He’s a little awkward at times but he’ll really make your date worthwhile. I forgot to mention, his family is Islam but he practically grew up in the west.

      Oh no! I’m sorry I offended you by suggesting a date with a non-christian.

      1. Hi Royboy. This is not about you personally, but I think you need to exam what is drawing you to Christian women. If there is something pulling you towards this direction maybe it is God and not the woman.

        The problem arises here because as a non-believer, you cannot understand the relationship between a believer and Christ. You do not understand that this relationship is above all other relationships. We do not value success by the world’s standard. This is where the conflicts arise.

        As the spouse of a very wonderful non-Christian man for 30 years, I can personally tell you about the issues from my side. Her relationship with Christ should always supersedes her relationship with you. You will constantly be competing with with God for her attention and she will ultimately sacrifice part or all of her relationship with God for you. If you want to dialogue please message me on Facebook.

        1. If you want to do something on a Sunday and she wants to go to church, do you realize that her faith is more important to her than you and are ok with that? Do you pout because she goes to church? Do you say it’s just this once? Do you brow beat her down until she gives in? If she stays home, do you understand what she has given up for you? You are on vacation and she wants to attend church, will you go with her or tell her to go alone or tell her not to go? You will have to be constantly ask yourself ‘Am I undermining her faith’.
        2. You come into an extra hundred dollars, bonus money that you do not need. You want to use it to go out for dinner and a movie. She wants to donate it to a local ministry that works with the poor in your neighborhood. How is the money spent? She wants to tithe – donate 10% of the income to the church; how do you feel about that? It’s usually ok when you first start out, but then when you want to get a new car, or start a hobbie, you can come to resent her giving. If money gets tight, will you demand she stop giving?
        3. She wants to go to bible study during the week. Are you prepared to sit at home alone? Are you prepared to show a sincere interest in what goes on at church, attend with her? How will you help her grow spiritually? How often and on what days are you willing to let her volunteer for church activities?
        4. What happens when you have children and she wants them dedicated to the Lord? Are you prepared to stand beside while promising to raise the child in a godly home? Or will you let her stand there alone?

        These are the most obvious examples. There is nothing worse than sitting in church without you spouse beside you. You do not want them there, just because of you. You want them to come search, seeking with an open heart.

        If you are truly committed to a Christian woman, the least you can do is take an Alpha program or Exploring Christianity so that you have a greater understanding of what she believes.

        1. Hi, Linda! I was just wondering how you managed to keep your relationship with a non-Christian man. Were there times when you felt torn, like you had to choose between God and your husband? Were there times when you felt like the Christian walk isn’t something you want anymore?

          1. Good questions… Yes and yes. There were time that I walked further away than I should have and did things that I should not have.

            I even made the mistake of seeking spiritual advice from another man. This almost lead to an affair, because this type of connection is intimate.

            Your life is under a microscope to your spouse. It is the most difficult mission field you can ever have.

            I now have a group of women who pray for my marriage and my walk.

        2. Hi Linda, what you have mentioned seemed to describe situations where the non-Christian partner become a obstacle to his/her Christian partner’s relationship with God because the non-Christian does not put in the required effort. What if the non-Christian is committed to understanding Christianity and partakes in church activities with his/her Christian partner, is it still not advisable for the couple then to get into a relationship? Jarrid, I would like to hear your views too.

          1. Hey Shanen, being married to a non-believer is a constant pull away from your relationship with Christ. Your non-Christian spouse regardless of his support is an obstacle to your faith. My husband is supportive. But there is a huge part of my life that he cannot begin to understand and value. Because of this,there is an intimacy that we cannot share. If the choice comes between him and God how do you chose? If I am all in for Christ, how does he feel about knowing that doing God’s will is more important than him. Oil and water cannot mix. When you are a believer, you have been transformed.

            1. Linda,Jared, thanks for sharing your wisdom. This is ringing true for me; I’m in love with a devout christian woman.

              I want to know her and her faith but I don’t have the love of Jesus burning in my heart. I attend church with her and ask her to read the bible to me – I care for her but I can’t begin to understand that the love she has for Christ supersedes any love she might have for me.

              Part of me hopes that I’ll be blessed and feel the love of Christ one day but until that day, I’ll just have to accept the sentiments expressed above and try to focus on my on moral/spiritual compass.


        3. What a perfect response! As a Christian woman who was married to a non Christian man for 20 years, this thoroughly explains the reality of such a relationship. You could have been writing about my life. And I will add, God told me he was not the one. The devil rejoiced the day I did not have the faith I needed to walk away from that relationship… It is so important.

        4. Thank you for saying this. I find it hard to express my worries about dating an unbeliever to him because he is such a nice person and I wonder if it could work out. But this sums up my conflict.

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