5 Steps To Becoming Marriage Material

Jarrid Wilson  —  October 23, 2013 — 28 Comments

WARNING: This might get you an awesome spouse.

Here are five steps to becoming marriage material. 

1. Know who you are.

- Knowing who you are is key. The last thing you want to do is go into a marriage thinking it will fix your identity problems. Although being a husband or wife will definitely play a role in WHO YOU ARE as an individual, you need to realize that you must first have a personal foundation to build upon. Begin evaluating who you are, what you do, and exactly what your purpose is. Knowing your purpose is a wonderful start to becoming grounded in personal identity, and it will take you a step forward towards becoming an excellent catch. Read (2 Corinthians 6:18)

2. Say goodbye to mommy and daddy. (Directed more towards the men) 

- Recent studies show that the average person doesn’t move out of their parents house until they are 24-26 years old. This doesn’t mean that these people aren’t mature or responsible, but I can tell you that the experience of living on your own is something that cannot be taught while living with ones parents. Moving out on your own will play a big part in taking ownership of yourself. The responsibilities you encounter in life will not only help you in your personal growth, but they will also help prepare you for a future with someone. Say goodbye to mommy and daddy, jump into the real world, and start building your responsibilities from the ground up. Respect your future spouse enough to grow in maturity and knowledge. Family hardships and medical reasons are obvious exceptions to this step. Read (1 Timothy 5:8)

3. Learn how to manage. 

- Understanding how to manage your time, money and energy will not only help you as an individual, but could also help you avoid potential arguments on these topics in the near future. Having management skills will not only show people you are diligent, but that you also put time and effort into the things you care about. Most married couples will tell you that money is the biggest topic of discussion when it comes to arguments. And although these arguments can’t always be avoided, going in to a marriage or relationship with management skills will always be a plus on someones radar. Read (Proverbs 21:5)

4. Admit when you are wrong.

- This is one of my biggest pet-peeves, and also one of my biggest flaws. Although I still struggle with admitting when I am wrong, the struggle is nothing compared to how I once was. Pride can be something that can ruin a friendship or relationship before they even begin. And although not everyone is perfect, nobody wants to be with someone who thinks that they are. The reality of life is that you are going to be wrong sometimes! Even though sometimes it’s really annoying to admit it, confessing your mistakes will show a sense of humility to those around you. Drop the pride. Nobody wants to marry an arrogant know-it-all. Read (Proverbs 11:2)

5. Honor and respect.

- I’m positive there are thousands of books on the shelves that unpack this topic on a much deeper level than I can, but the reality of it’s core is pretty simple. You will need to learn how to honor and respect those around you if you are looking to be taken seriously. It’s tough to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you, and it’s even tougher to love somebody who doesn’t honor you. Take time to learn the disciplines of love and respect. Any guy or girl who is serious about getting married will always be on the lookout for someone who is honorable and respectful. Read (1 Peter 2:17)

- Jarrid Wilson

 

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What else would you recommend? Leave a comment below.

Jarrid Wilson

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Husband, Pastor, Author, Blogger. Highly unconventional.

28 responses to 5 Steps To Becoming Marriage Material

  1. I’ve been praying for marriage for over 7 years. Sometimes the longing to be married is more than I can handle. Besides that, God has spoken to me that I’m ready, through dreams and His still, small voice. It’s been His promise to me for many years through the Bible to me as well. So, if I’m ready, why isn’t it happening? Why do I have to keep waiting? I’m fully surrendered to God and what He wants to do in me and there has been some SERIOUS pruning over the years….yes, years I was desperately praying for marriage, but looking back now seeing full well that I was NOT ready. However, now, both by my heart and by God’s voice, I do feel ready. Why must I continue to wait? Don’t worry, you don’t have to answer. hahaha Thanks, Jarrid for your wonderful posts.

  2. Thanks Jarrid!

    I will most definitely keep those suggestion in mind as I pursue Marriage!

  3. Actual 5 steps to becoming marriage material.
    1. Be beautiful.
    2. Be beautiful.
    3. Be thin.
    4. Have long hair.
    5. Be Godly.

    Maybe it’s because I’m young & surrounded by young people. I just can’t escape the feeling of shallowness in the selection of the girls the Christian men I’m surrounded with pursue. This is NOT my personal list & these are NOT serious recommendations It just seems to me that this is the list that a lot of young men seem to be following. Only my opinion & my perception. Please don’t start a comment war.

  4. Hey Jarrid! I love your posts! One thing I’d find more helpful though is if you could give advice or resources of how to do some of these things. If that makes sense… thanks! God bless :)

  5. Now I know I’m definitely not marriage material, LOL! I couldn’t be bothered arguing with a women about my money, time or energy. Admit when you’re wrong? Men are ALWAYS wrong! (if a man speaks in a forest by himself, is he still wrong?) hehe, but let me add, admitting when you’re wrong too many times makes a man look weak and lacking in confidence. I think if anyone wants some darn good relationship advice, see the novel “When God Writes Your Love Story” by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It’s all give and take and putting Christ first (for Christians), but for non-Christians, it’ll be a slippery slope if there’s no rock-solid foundation to build the love on. Just my two cents.

  6. For guys I would add “Get a job”. Too many young men out there are just floundering, looking for a good time. They’re not ready to provide for a wife and a family.

  7. Love all your #5 things; and read all the things about #2. I moved out when I was 18 because God called me to live in another place after high school; I said God if this is your will you would provide me with a roommate and a job; here enough prayed over it and confirmation after confirmation God put one of my friends on my heart to ask; she said wow nobody knew that I prayed for needing a roommate only God. So it will all work out when it is God’s timing. I live 45minutes away from my actual home; I grew up on a reserve. I thought the real world was a fear for me but as we just keep trusting God and seeking truth he will always make away. Now im going to college; so God has different plans and purpose for all over our life that is the amazingest thing about it and I also learnt not to rely on my parents for everything; not once did they pay for my bills or vehicle payment; still I just totally have to depend on God; even when it gets tough. We must be hearers and doers as well. God is Good; he gets all the glory because I wouldn’t be where I’m at with out him. Blessings to all.

  8. what if you are still a student can you live your parents home

  9. Thanks Jarid. Great post. I’ll be looking for more of these.

  10. In response to number 2, I have a different view. Ephesians 5:31 states about marriage that “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This implies that the man leaves his parents when he gets married, not before. Now of course there are exceptions, age being a huge one, where it makes sense for a man to move out of his parents house before he is married (AKA if he is 40 and still single). But I don’t believe that a man needs to move out when he turns 18. Why does he need to learn how to live alone when once he is married he won’t be living alone anymore? Also, I think that when a guy has a place of his own it can be easier for temptation and stumbling than if he were to have to bring prospective dating partners to his home with his parents to hang out. Another thing is that living with his parents is very responsible if he is doing so to save money to support his future wife and himself so when they are married they can live together.That is just my view, however, but I really don’t think that living with his parents makes a man less mature or wise.

    • I can totally respect your side as well, but there are certain things you just can’t learn without living on your own. Not saying it’s a need, just something I’ve recommended. That’a all :)

    • Don’t get me wrong, I totally get where you’re coming from! And I agree that there are for sure things you can’t learn living with your parents. I just wanted to throw my view out there, I respect your view completely :) I just think that you can also respect your future spouse by not moving out on your own right away :)

  11. What about knowing when you are mature enough to date? I have a lot of friends who are always asking this.

    • I believe that’s between you and God. It’s a personal decision that on you can truly know. Also, talk to outside leadership for outside opinions. Obviously from people you love and trust.

  12. Jarrid!! #2 is not that easy for everyone-not everyone has both a mom and a dad, or parents that can support them at all, and not everyone has the financial means to do live a part from them. Some are just not in that position. Living with a roommate or living by oneself does in no way mean that person has learned true responsibility. I know that you addressed that but please in my opinion I don’t think that should be up there. I live with one parent and there already is a lot of pressure from the world, even as a woman, but I have good reasons as to why I do.

    • If you cannot provide for yourself alone you cannot possibly know how to provide for your spouse. This is mainly from the guys’ side as we are called to lead and guide our families and to be responsible with what God gives us.

      Maybe finances are too bad to live on your own – that is okay. But if this is the case…don’t think that getting married to someone will fix this issue either.

    • At the end of #2 I stated there are exceptions. Your points are exceptions. They are just recommendations, not fact.

  13. Knowing your purpose?!!!!! how does one know there purpose in life?!!!
    please help & thank you Jarrid.

    • Seek Christ. Know His word, seek His will for your life daily. Have direction. That is key.

    • Angelica Murillo October 23, 2013 at 10:13 PM

      I just read through Follow Me by David Platt, and he speaks A LOT on the topic of knowing your purpose. He writes that many Christians always ask God to show them their purpose, and being on this earth. When in reality, God’s purpose and life story is all in the Bible. If we are in God’s will, our plans in life will be fulfilled (in the Lord’s timing). Also, that our first purpose is to glorify God and to make disciples of Jesus. After this, all that the Lord wants to add or take away in our life will be done, as He allows. Food for thought, hope this helps! (:

    • Thank you John & Angelica

  14. sounds good!!!!!!!!!

  15. I have a friend that is still doing number 2 (living at home) for the reason that she wants to save money so she can be financially ready for when she happens to get married. What do you think Jarrid?

    • I am taking over the comment thread here LOL! (Sorry Jarrid!!!)

      Me and my girlfriend/soon to be fiance are in this place, too. She is just saving money for the wedding. I am living on my own and doing the same. We know this was the best move as she can put money she WAS putting to rent, to our wedding and the like.

      I think the point being made here is this – you MUST know how to live on your own. My fiance/girlfriend lived on her own for 2 years before moving back to save up for wedding and the like. She pays for all her own things, but just lives under her folks’ roof to save cash.

      I don’t see an issue with that.

    • Definitely different in terms of a girl, but I believe she can still learn a lot by being out on her own.

  16. 1 Timothy 5:8 really spoke to me. Thank you for sharing

  17. Thanks Jarrid, I definitely needed the reminder, especially of number 1! I just lost my day job and my evening one is a temp job, up at the end of the month. So, thank you!

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