10 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Getting Married

10 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Getting Married

Marriage is a BIG decision. Here are 10 questions to ask yourself before getting married.

1. Why am I getting married?

This question seems fairly simple, but the possible answers can stir up some much needed truth. Marriage isn’t something that should be taken lightly, and your reasoning for getting married shouldn’t be either. Make sure this decision is something you’ve prayed over and thoroughly discussed.

2. Can I easily live without this person?

Can you see yourself without this person? If the answer is yes, then you may want to re-think your future with them. If the thought of your spouse with someone else doesn’t bother you, marrying them may not be the best idea. If you’re supposed to be with this person, God will instill a relentless love in your heart for them.

3. Am I better off with, or without this person?

Do they make you a better person, or do they bring out the worst in you? The last thing you want to do is marry someone who doesn’t bring out the best in you. Ask yourself whether you are better of with or without them.

4. Am I willing to put someone before myself?

Can you see yourself with this person fifty years down the road? If the answer is no, then I would re-think your decision to marry them. Marriage is a lifetime commitment that requires a daily pledge to love one another, regardless of how long you’ve been together. If you can’t put the needs of your future spouse before yourself, it may be time to end the relationship before it goes any further.

5. Do I find myself already questioning the marriage?

Have insecurities already begun popping in your head? Don’t worry. This is pretty common for anyone who is thinking about getting married. The red-flag is when these insecurities turn in to a lack of peace. If you don’t have a peace about getting married, then don’t do it.

6. Is he or she ready to be married?

Is your boyfriend or girlfriend ready to be married? Don’t jump the gun if you aren’t sure they are mentally and spiritually ready for commitment. This is where the dating process comes in! Take time to learn about one another before jumping into marriage.

7. Am I ready to be married?

Ask yourself this question with honesty and transparency. Are you spiritually and mentally ready to be married? Have you prayed over your future together? Are you at peace with the decision placed in your heart?

8. Will this person support my dreams?

The last thing you want to do is marry someone who doesn’t support your goals and dreams. Make sure that who ever you marry will be there to encourage you through thick and thin, no matter how crazy your ambitions are.

9. Do we share similar beliefs and passions?

If you have nothing in common, this might make your future marriage a bit harder to handle. Mind you, not everyone is going to have the same passions as you, but I would encourage you to marry someone who you can at least find similar beliefs in. There is nothing more encouraging than being in marriage with someone who understands your life passions and beliefs. The last thing you want to do is be in a marriage with someone who doesn’t have the same background of faith as you. Find someone you can share your love for God with.

10. Do I deserve better? 

This one might be a little harsh, but marriage is one of the few times in life you can be as picky as you’d like. Consult yourself, your friends, and your family. Pray and seek God’s wisdom as to whether or not this person is right for you. Don’t settle for mediocre when God has something marvelous for you.

- Jarrid Wilson

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26 Comments

  • chucker@gmail.com November 2, 2014 at 9:38 AM

    Too religious and not enough reality. I’ve been married 35 years and some of the questions should be:
    Can I put up with the other persons shortcomings, which everyone has? These include looks and actions, both are important.
    How does this person stack up with other people you’ve dated?
    Does the other person feel the same way for the same reasons?
    Be very honest with yourself.

  • Nicole July 26, 2014 at 10:11 PM

    I cannot tell you how encouraging it is to read your posts. You relate to so many areas of relationships including the pressure on singles (like me) and just the church’s idea of marriage altogether. It’s often painful to be made to feel like you haven’t accomplished anything until you’re married and that should be your ultimate goal. Thank you for actually speaking out about how single people feel about being treated like this.

  • esse June 17, 2014 at 9:54 AM

    I have been in a long relationship with my bf and he has been talking abt marriage, this uncertainty of not being sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with him made him leave me in the first place. I missed him n wanted him back, within a month, he came back n now he really want us to go into marriage but yet am still scared if actually I can go into this. I hv prayed abt it but still confused.

  • risa May 8, 2014 at 7:28 AM

    I love him. But we bring out the worst in each other. We are in a long distance relationship but when we fight we end up saying bad things to each other. And there are areas in our lives where none of us want to share.

  • Jan Rhais Librando-Resabal Amantiad May 7, 2014 at 9:12 PM

    The last sentence says: “Don’t settle for mediocre when God has something marvelous for you.” I remembered something from this.

    I have a special friend three years ago and her name is Marveluz! Hehe Sadly, our relationship never worked out. Sometimes, however compatible you are in your ministry, beliefs, hobbies, interests, and all; marriage is not for the both of you. God designed life and the connection of people perfectly.

    Maybe our connection for being just a friend is just as perfect and as useful in the ministry as it is. No need to upgrade to marriage or downgrade to strangers. :)
    Ecclesiastes 3:1

    God takes the wheel. :D

  • Josephine Verdadero February 19, 2014 at 12:00 AM

    Thanks for the inspiring and wonderful post Pastor Wilson. 2Cor.6:14 ….

  • Lucille A. Rangel February 18, 2014 at 7:57 PM

    About a year and a half ago….I met my high school sweetheart after 40 years of being apart. But, I’m in a 14 year relationship already. But, I still met up with my high school sweetheart because he was the one that I never lost love for! I’ve felt guilty because I was sneaking around on my boyfriend.” But, I really wanted to see him again. But, we only saw eachother twice! We went to breakfast and then, a movie. The next time, we went to breakfast and then, to a petting zoo in the park. It was so much fun! When I saw him I threw my arms around him and said his name! I was so happy! :) But, during our time that we were talking and getting to know oneanother again….I was hoping for the moment to end! I wanted so much to get to know him more and stay and enjoy his company. But, the guilt of me sneaking around on my boyfriend was just eating me up inside! We didn’t sleep together or touch eachother in any inapropriate way! But, we DID KISS! His kisses were just as I remembered! I remembered the passion. And it came back! It was still there! So what does that tell you? But, I made excuses why I couldn’t see him at times. At first he understood….then, he began to question why? He was calm and understanding. But, would say…..No Worries. But, I know that he was upset! Then, I just didn’t see him at all anymore! I felt so aweful….because I did want to see him! We told eachother how we felt about oneanother. I loved him and he told me he loved me! I still love him! But, he won’t call me anymore or text. It’s my fault because I wasn’t completely honest with him….I had told him previouly that I had a boyfriend. But, when I agreed to meet up with him I think that he was under the impression that I had broken up with my boyfriend because I told him that we were having problems. We were! I just couldn’t tell him the truth! That I was still with him. Well…..now we haven’t talked for going on five months. I think of him constantly! I love him with all of my heart! I sometimes wonder if I ever cross his mind? But, I know that he’s moved on! He wanted to marry me! And I wanted to marry him! Please people……don’t do this to a great man that loves you! Be honest. This is the first time I’ve ever done this! And I’m so sorry because I lost the man that I have love for 40 years! :(

  • Lilo February 17, 2014 at 12:16 PM

    I’m struggling to decide if and when I should commit or break my relationship. He ticks most of the boxes (the good things) but we don’t share the same background in faith, even though he’s open to it. Do I wait to see if he becomes a Christian or do I just tell him that I can’t waste our time on something that’s not going to happen.

    • BRH May 16, 2014 at 4:13 AM

      Lilo, if most of the good boxes are checked but you don’t share strong grounded faith and belief, then you need to uncheck all those boxes. The very first one is sharing common faith and a love for God. Without that, everything else will fall out of line.

      I am saying this from painful experiences and lessons learned the hard way. I’m sure he is a wonderful man and very much worthy of your time. However, first things always need to come first. Give it more time. He needs to come to God on his own terms and not because he feels he will lose you if he doesn’t.

  • glenford February 16, 2014 at 7:37 PM

    is there any bible verses that you include in these 10 questions?I think thats is better.

  • Jessica Cutlip February 7, 2014 at 3:35 PM

    love this! thank you

  • Abigail Cowart February 5, 2014 at 3:46 PM

    Could you please post something in the best way to make a dating relationship Christ centered?

    • Dale Dael February 6, 2014 at 3:57 AM

      Try reading I kissed dating goodbye by Joshua Harris. God bless! :)

  • kamrul hasan February 5, 2014 at 10:15 AM

    Thanks for this post..i learn lot

  • Nancy February 5, 2014 at 9:30 AM

    Wish I had understood this before I married. I’d add another question. For those who share faith, is the potential spouse trying to interpose him/herself between you and the Lord? Does she/he seem to think he/she is your personal Holy Spirit? Spiritual abuse is much too common in Christian marriages.

    • BRH May 16, 2014 at 4:18 AM

      This sounds to me like a lack of respect. We are supposed to respect and honor and submit to one another in love. If this is not happening, then the individual in question is most definitely not following God’s Spirit but rather their own. –Truth.

      Prayers for your situation~

  • Kathy February 5, 2014 at 7:50 AM

    If I had read this, and this FB/computer was here back then, I’d probably wait a long time to get married. :) I think I was too young. And naive too.

    • sjebet February 7, 2014 at 1:32 AM

      Hi, I am headed towards marriage, and just wondering how old you were when you got married, and again why would you want to change that if you had a chance? I feel confused about this marriage thing…

  • zothile mthembu February 5, 2014 at 1:29 AM

    THANK U SO MUCH FOR THIS POST. I AM LEARNING

  • MJ February 4, 2014 at 7:10 PM

    Thanks for this post, Jarrid! Right down the ally of what I like to share with our Future Marriage University (FMU) community (and so I will be at https://www.facebook.com/FMUniversity)!

    1. Why am I getting married?

    Nuf said.

    Totally recommend Gary Thomas’ book, Sacred Search, on that very issue. AND DON’T WAIT UNTIL YOU’RE SERIOUSLY DATING TO READ IT! Go ahead and read it BEFORE you fall in love. http://www.garythomas.com/.

    Even better, I recommend people ruthlessly question why they want to DATE before they date. If you date for the wrong reasons, you’re likely to marry for the wrong reasons. Here’s the opening post introducing the TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date: http://f-m-u.com/Blog/introducing-the-top10-dumbest-reasons-to-date/.

  • David Corbera February 4, 2014 at 6:29 PM

    Thanks Pastor Wilson for such an amazing post! I’ve been looking to obtain wisdom and knowledge as I do want to get married and reading and absorbing as much wisdom as possible. Keep inspiring!

  • Brithany February 4, 2014 at 4:39 PM

    Praise God for this post! Thank you so much. I’m still a young’in but it helps to know what I’ll be thinking about these upcoming years. God bless you Pastor!

  • Cedrico95 February 4, 2014 at 2:31 PM

    Real talk . Thanks Pastor :)

  • Emily February 4, 2014 at 2:15 PM

    Can you expound on #2? I think every person is whole as they are, and capable of living without a spouse, but I’m guessing this isn’t what you meant here. Curious for more thoughts! :) Great post.

    • carolcrissmassnCAZ February 4, 2014 at 4:00 PM

      I wanted to say something on this 2 too..If I love someone, if they are no longer around then it means that life goes on, not that I cannot live without them.

    • Andrew Tuinktuink February 4, 2014 at 4:30 PM

      I think what he meant is not the capability to live a life without somebody but rather to when you love someone, do you really love him so you want to share your life with him (your happiness, your sadness, etc) or just a lust so it’s really okay to live without him actually. This is what i think. Anyone have different opinion maybe or Jarrid himself would make it clear?

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